Chapter 19 - The Question in the Dark
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Spring arrived, melting the snow and turning the farmhouse yard into a muddy playground for Lily.
It was a quiet Saturday night. Lily was tucked into bed, and Nathan was reading his architectural journals while Grace sketched at the kitchen island.
Suddenly, small footsteps padded down the hallway. Lily appeared in her pajamas, clutching her stuffed rabbit.
“I can’t sleep,” she announced.
Nathan put his magazine down. “Did you have a bad dream, sweetie?”
“No,” Lily said, climbing up onto the stool next to Grace. She watched her mother draw for a moment before speaking. “Tommy in my class has a baby sister. She cries a lot, but he says she’s cute.”
“Babies do cry a lot,” Grace smiled, continuing her shading.
Lily looked at Nathan, then at Grace.
“Can I have one?”
Grace’s pencil snapped against the paper. The sharp crack echoed in the quiet kitchen. She froze.
Nathan sat up straight, completely caught off guard. “A baby sister?”
“Or a brother. I don’t care. I just want someone to play with in the backyard. The house is big.”
Grace looked at Nathan. Her eyes were wide, a complex mixture of sudden longing and deep, residual panic.
“That’s a very big question, Lily,” Nathan said gently, stepping in to give Grace a moment to breathe. “Having a baby is a lot of work.”
“I can help,” Lily insisted. “I know how to share my toys. And I know how to read the moon book. I can read it to them.”
Grace swallowed hard, finding her voice. “We will think about it, okay? Now, it’s time to go back to sleep.”
Nathan carried Lily back to her room, tucking her in securely. When he returned to the kitchen, Grace was staring blankly at her broken pencil.
“She wants a sibling,” Nathan said quietly, pouring them both a glass of water.
“I know,” Grace whispered.
“Are you okay?”
“I don’t know,” Grace admitted, tears brimming in her eyes. “Nathan, the last time I was pregnant, I was terrified every single day. I was hiding from William. I was alone. The idea of being pregnant again… it brings it all back.”
Nathan walked around the island and wrapped his arms around her.
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“You are not alone this time,” he said fiercely. “And you never will be again. But if you don’t want to, we don’t have to. Lily is a miracle, and she is enough.”
Grace leaned into his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. “I know she’s enough. But… I think I want to know what it feels like to have a baby without being afraid.”
